Well, it has finally happened,
the thing I dreaded has come to pass: I got stuck in a cave. I don't mean that
I was unable to make forward progress and had to reverse (that has happened
many times): I mean that I was wedged in tight and could not move in any
direction.
This
happened in Eastwater Cavern on 15th November when I was on a trip specifically
chosen for its challenging squeezes, so in a sense I got what I asked for. And
before you ask: no, I was not alone, I was with some very sound friends. A more detailed account will appear in the UK Caving Forum in the next few days.
For me,
the most interesting aspect of the experience was that it had been far worse in
my imagination beforehand than when it actually happened.
In my imagination, I was going to
have a complete psychological breakdown ("freak out"), scream and
thrash about until I was exhausted, then either suffocate and die
or be rescued hours later, unconscious and traumatised for life.
In reality, it was pretty
horrible, and scary at the time, but none of those things happened. I maintained a constructive dialogue with my companions, wriggled
in a controlled manner to try to free myself and stopped wriggling when it was clear
this was making things worse, was able to continue to breathe, kept still so as
not to drive myself to panic and exhaustion, and eventually, with the help of my companions, was able
to find out why I could not reverse, fix that, then then free myself for a
second attempt.
And was I traumatised? On your Nellie!
At the second attempt, even before my torso and head were out of the obstacle,
as soon as my feet and bum had got through, I felt a huge sense of relief and achievement,
and just stopped moving so that I could have a good look and really take in the
sense it all. Within half a minute of clearing the obstacle I became elated,
and this elation stayed with me for days and days.
I would go back and do the same
route again, and meanwhile, it has made me a better caver.
The lesson of all this is an obvious
one, and one we all have been given but may have not acquired first hand: for something
we are actively afraid of, the fear of it is worse than the thing itself.
It was horrible being stuck, but
not utterly horrible. No-one got hurt. I have grown from the experience. and I am
glad that it happened.
